I Thought This Was MY Life As A Covergirl!

One of the reasons that I decided to even start a blog in the first place was because I thought I would be able to express and explain and release whatever was on my mind and bothering me. My family and I had a very involved discussion the other night. I keep feeling like I'm falling further and further into oblivion, and no one is able to help...and the people who ARE able to help, won't.

My parents advised me not to disclose a pre-existing condition that I have to anyone else at my job, after I had already told them that I inadvertently shared it with a close co-worker of mine. My mother argued that I treat my co-workers like "long lost friends." She told me that I share every detail of my life with people that I barely know. Let me just say this:

I understand that she is just being "mama," but she should stop assuming.

Just because she is my mother doesn't make her right. Nor does it make her word law.

There was a woman on "The View" (one of my favorite shows, despite the increasingly naive Elisabeth Hasselbeck) who came on to talk about a book she wrote in which she proclaims and explains her disdain for her own mother. I thought it was a very interesting interview because so often I have wondered what has happened to the family I once knew from so many years ago.

I'm 25 now, and everything these days just seems so busy. While I don't want things to be "easy," I don't believe they have to be unnecessarily difficult. I am trying to take control of things in my life...the top 3 being my insurmountable debt, my search for a husband, and my matchmaking business.

My parents, despite their genuinely good intentions, are NOT making things any easier. My sister told me tonight that I have had a bad attitude lately. Well, what I have noticed is that no one is giving two shits about anything that I have going on. The guy that lives above me came into my place and stole my laptop over the weekend. More on that story later... All of my information is gone...my games, my music, my documents, my pictures, my stuff from ANTM & SNTM! It's all gone because some dumb nig couldn't desire, get, or keep a job!

The title of this post is really just to reflect my silent anger at both of my parents for ensuring that I feel guilty or stupid for every move that I make in my life. When I hear them talk to me, I just see two people who feel slighted by each other, acting as though they are ashamed of their son.

My mother is more often than not in some kind of funk, and the days when I'm feeling down, I am supposed to be all kittens and rainbows for her. My father is off doing his own rendition of the "mid-life crisis," minus the new corvette. It's just become the newest season of the ME show. Starring no one but His Majesty.

In any event, I just need some emotional and financial assistance, and I wish my parents would be a little more sympathetic and not so quickly judgmental. What do you think? Am I missing something here? Since I'm the gay one with the disease, shouldn't I be the one who will decide who knows how much and when?