Apparently, I'm just like Jesus...

Let me walk you through it...

It's the end of another bedraggling day at the school. I've got all my stuff in order, ready to go home and figure out how I'm going to either go on two dates or get out of the less beneficial one. On my way out of the building, I hear a parent going off....well, loudly describing her reaction to something she heard at a bible study at a local church. The next thing I hear is,

"Ya kno what dey wuz talkin' 'bout?" She points to me. "HIM!!"

...wow. Let me just say this:

I didn't know if I were about to lose my job or what.

I was standing there thinking that she had used me as a basic example of the discussion of gay people as a whole,...but she meant Steven Austin was eventually the topic of discussion at the bible study. So, I waited for her to finish. She told me she wanted to talk to me. So, I continued to wait...and listened. Basically, she was saying that one of MY students attended a bible study where the discussion was about how to identify gay people. (That was all I got. I'm sure we can imagine the subsequent discussion, and I'll bet....eternity that it was not a loving message.) This is apparently what goes on at Liveoak Baptist Church, conveniently on Flat Shoals Road in College Park...and if I knew the pastor's name, I'd tell you.

She told me that this student used me as an example of how you can tell "when you've got a gay." She told me that she would get the student's name, but I'm still kinda speechless... I'm not really sure what, if anything, I am supposed to, or should, do once I find out. The parent seemed to be more angry than I am. Although Jesus and I have quite a few similarities, let me just say this:

I did not sign up to be anybody's martyr.

I just want to come in to my menial job, on the days I am forced to, and begrudgingly teach my meandering sheep...otherwise known as my students...without discussion of who I am after 3pm. I guess I just feel like there are plenty of other things that are WAY more "damaging" in the presence of children than an attraction for the same sex. I had this problem when I taught at Lovejoy because the principal at the time was a big closet case, who somehow was under the impression that just because he hadn't told anyone...meant that no one knew. What an idiot! How you gonna let another grown-ass man (who drove his own car to work) drive your car to get you some lunch? What kinda gay shit is that?! ...but let me just say this:

Just because my voice may be a bit higher, or my grammar bit stronger, or my walk a bit fiercer, or my clothes a bit clingier (not tighter)...does NOT mean I'm in 119 teaching the kids how to vogue!

The parent told me that she would be sure to get the student's name. What do you think about what I just told you? I'll keep you updated!

I Thought This Was MY Life As A Covergirl!

One of the reasons that I decided to even start a blog in the first place was because I thought I would be able to express and explain and release whatever was on my mind and bothering me. My family and I had a very involved discussion the other night. I keep feeling like I'm falling further and further into oblivion, and no one is able to help...and the people who ARE able to help, won't.

My parents advised me not to disclose a pre-existing condition that I have to anyone else at my job, after I had already told them that I inadvertently shared it with a close co-worker of mine. My mother argued that I treat my co-workers like "long lost friends." She told me that I share every detail of my life with people that I barely know. Let me just say this:

I understand that she is just being "mama," but she should stop assuming.

Just because she is my mother doesn't make her right. Nor does it make her word law.

There was a woman on "The View" (one of my favorite shows, despite the increasingly naive Elisabeth Hasselbeck) who came on to talk about a book she wrote in which she proclaims and explains her disdain for her own mother. I thought it was a very interesting interview because so often I have wondered what has happened to the family I once knew from so many years ago.

I'm 25 now, and everything these days just seems so busy. While I don't want things to be "easy," I don't believe they have to be unnecessarily difficult. I am trying to take control of things in my life...the top 3 being my insurmountable debt, my search for a husband, and my matchmaking business.

My parents, despite their genuinely good intentions, are NOT making things any easier. My sister told me tonight that I have had a bad attitude lately. Well, what I have noticed is that no one is giving two shits about anything that I have going on. The guy that lives above me came into my place and stole my laptop over the weekend. More on that story later... All of my information is gone...my games, my music, my documents, my pictures, my stuff from ANTM & SNTM! It's all gone because some dumb nig couldn't desire, get, or keep a job!

The title of this post is really just to reflect my silent anger at both of my parents for ensuring that I feel guilty or stupid for every move that I make in my life. When I hear them talk to me, I just see two people who feel slighted by each other, acting as though they are ashamed of their son.

My mother is more often than not in some kind of funk, and the days when I'm feeling down, I am supposed to be all kittens and rainbows for her. My father is off doing his own rendition of the "mid-life crisis," minus the new corvette. It's just become the newest season of the ME show. Starring no one but His Majesty.

In any event, I just need some emotional and financial assistance, and I wish my parents would be a little more sympathetic and not so quickly judgmental. What do you think? Am I missing something here? Since I'm the gay one with the disease, shouldn't I be the one who will decide who knows how much and when?

The Beginning of the End

Right now, I'm sitting here watching Project Runway 5. It's kind of okay, but I'm not sure what happened since they eliminated Ra'Mon. Usually, I'm a bit despondent towards the gay designers because they have a tendency to be a bit embarrassing, but let me just say this:

They totally, royally screwed Ra'Mon.

He was an EXCELLENT designer, and to let him go so early in the game...especially over such a trite mistake...is why I should be a judge on PR or ANTM.

Ra'Mon, if for whatever reason, you ever stumble upon this, I just want you to know that you were one of the best, and clearly all of the losers still have not (as of the time of this post) gone home yet. Don't worry, though. Designers like you get hired. You'll make that money, boy! Congrats on making it on the show and making it as far as you did! Good luck to you!

In other news, as I sit here and think about where my life is, and where I will ultimately want it to be, I'm confused in quite a few places, but I have already decided that today will be the beginning of the end... the end of my suffering.

I have worked so hard for so long, and with all of the hullabaloo on TV and the net these days I find the following amazing:

• I am single with no real dating potentials.
• I am a Spanish teacher at my old middle school.
• I am renting an apartment in the ghetto.
• I have yet to start my matchmaking firm.
• I have never published a book.
• I do not have a reality show.
• I am not doing anything that seems to fit into the person I believe I have become.

It's okay, though... Now I have a list to start from. I have two really good friends at my job at the middle school, and I'm hoping that we will stay good friends for a really long time. My good buddy, Mrs. Edwards, asked me to start this blog. She thinks that I have a lot of good information and observations and opinions that a lot of young, aspiring black, gay men need to hear/read. So do a lot of other people who know me very well...and a few folks that don't!

...but let me just say this:

I think they are right.